Having to Trust


I have been sick for the last few days with terrible diarrhea and last night had to visit my doctor to get some help. If you are in San Kamphaeng and you need a doctor that can speak basic English, Renu Medical Center is the place to go. If you have a Thai partner, they can ring 053 392073 to get better directions.

Over the years I have been going to see countless doctors, I have found it very hard to trust anyone. The above doctor in this clinic I trust for basic problems and if anything is too serious, she will send me to the hospital to deal with.

I find it extremely hard to trust these days but it is something that you need to do. I have many Christian friends and they trust in God. I have a lot of Buddhist friends as well and they just live day to day and do not worry about things too much. Still, you need to trust in something and that to date has been my wife.

Getting back to trust, mine was destroyed via a divorce and a very bad business deal in 2009. Before this point, I lived just day by day but I did have like a five-year plan in savings of money and trading of shares. I thought I had it all worked out. Then just out of the blue, my wife disappears back to the Philippines and two weeks later, she was asking for a divorce. I did not see that coming and I was very much still in love with my wife. Divorcing someone you loved because she did not love you (and found another man) was very difficult for me.

I asked all sorts of questions for a period of around 12-18 months after this and they all related to being able to trust someone. It seemed God had turned his back on me, I had from all the pressure of the divorce, gotten very sick again and I did not know what to do. That is when I jumped on a plane, walked away from everything I knew and came to Thailand for a holiday. I gather at this stage of my life, I was very despondent and I just thought all my luck was gone.

At that moment in my life, I had lost all trust in everything apart from my parents. They were the only thing binding me together. No one will love you like your parents and they put up with my problems for a long time. For the next seven years in Thailand, I was to make many mistakes until I met Fhon. Unmedicated and not very well, Fhon opened her life up to me and I was not sure at first if I could trust anyone again. My previous relationship had been based on money but Fhon was not asking anything from me.

So learning to trust in people is a very hard thing to do. I have read countless times via different texts I need just to let go in the Buddhist way and let nothing concern me or in the Christian way for just putting my trust in God. The problem being is you need to place some trust in humans and knowing how they are going to react to your feeling or state of mind at the time is very hard. I was with my previous wife for seven years, so people’s feeling can change at a moment notice.

I can trust my wife now. She has been through a lot with me. I was very sick for two years with stomach issues (related to gall bladder in the end) and she cared for me the whole time. My mental health is shot, but she sticks by me. I believe now in the end, whatever greater power wanted me to do, it was to guide me to meet Fhon. Both of our lives have changed dramatically over the years due to our meeting and getting married but it seems like my life was not mapped out how it was supposed to be. Since my wife had left me, she has a new partner and now has a child. So a new life was created by me leaving. I gather that is how somethings have got to be.

Maybe it is fate, maybe it is God or maybe it is our karma of previous lives. It seems like my life was not settled back in 2009 and I had to wait till now for it to be so. So maybe good things come to those that wait.

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By thailandkatokman

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